you drift away
and feel there's nothing you can do
and every day
you feel even further from the truth
if you look past your shame
you'll find that there is always hope
and no matter what you have to face
you will never be alone.
I am with you
no matter where you are
I am there too
the truth is there is nothing
that can tear you
away from My love.
and somedays
when it feels like you're too far
its okay, i love you right where you are.
My love's impossible to lose
wherever you may go, whatever you might do.
and remember while things will change
I will always be the same.
I'll be with you
no matter where you are
I'll be there too
the truth is there is nothing
that can tear you
away from My love.
you can't hide
you can't run away
i am always by your side
i am here to stay...
no matter where you are
I am there too
the truth is there is nothing
that can tear you
away from My love.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
if You want me to
"the pathway is broken and the signs are unclear
and i don't know the reason why You brought me here.
but just because You love me the way that You do
i am going to walk the valley if You want me to.
cause i'm not who i was when i took my first steps
and i'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet.
so if all of these trials bring me closer to You
and i will go through the fire if you want me to.
it may not be the way i would have chosen
when You lead me through a world that's not my home.
but You never said it would be easy
You only said i'd never go alone.
so when the whole world turns against me
and i'm all by myself
and i can't hear You answer my cries for help,
i remember the suffering You're love put You through.
and i'll go through the valley if You want me to."
just a few things running through my head lately.. not that i'm necessarily suffering or discontent. i've had worse things happen, and while not everything in my life is necessarily going EXACTLY the way i would have liked it to go, i'm not really unhappy. there are so many blessings: my new job/career, my trip to europe this january, etc. but i guess the reason that song goes through my head is that i'm beginning to realize how little i have control over. i mean, i planned out my life, i planned out all my dreams. i wanted to be married right after college, have kids at age 27. i wanted to be a singer, i wanted to be friends with the same people forever. and the thing is, most of those things aren't working out the way i thought they would. and things aren't really bad-- just different.
and just looking back, i would have never in a million years thought i'd be in the place i am today. i could never have planned it out.. all the twists and turns my life has taken me. and i can't tell you how glad i am that i wasn't homeschooled for the rest of my life-- that kind of goes without saying. i'm also glad that i ended up graduating from rockford, even though i don't regret having gone to buffalo. i'm so glad i'm at bethel now, but i think that it was beneficial to go to st olaf. i mean, there are so many people i would have never known, so many experiences i would have never gone through, learned from. i am not who i was when i took my first steps-- i don't look the same, i don't think the same way, i don't believe the same things. i have grown-- i'm an adult.. how weird is that. and i wouldn't be at all the same person if i hadn't gone through all those things. but if i had seen my life, had known what was going to happen, i would not have chosen it. i would have chosen my picture perfect dreams, but would that have been best? i'm glad i went through all those things, that i'm not necessarily in control of my life, because its brought me to bigger better things than anything i would have pictured 10 years ago.
and, don't get me wrong, sometimes i'm sad that i'm not married, that i haven't grown up being friends with the same people since kindergarten, i have no idea who will end up being in my wedding-- bridesmaids and groom. i mean, friends come and go and it hurts. life will bring me to a path that i'm not necessarily thrilled to go down-- like my cancer scare? fun? not so much. but its not necessarily bad. its just not always what i thought i wanted.
basically, i don't even know what i really want-- even when i think i do-- let alone what i really need. so it just makes sense to let the person who knew me yesterday, today, tomorrow, who knows me inside and outside and knows everything about the rest of the world and all it will bring, control my life. who would have thought i'd be a business major? i never would have dreamed that would make me happy. and here i am. i know nothing about anything. so its time to just let go. stop running towards the past and just live in the uncertainty of todays. embrace the new friendships, new jobs, all the situations i'm in now and let go of things that are beyond my control. this world isn't even my home-- i'm being led through. just let go and understand God has a plan.
so yeah, deep stuff. but life can be deep.
and i don't know the reason why You brought me here.
but just because You love me the way that You do
i am going to walk the valley if You want me to.
cause i'm not who i was when i took my first steps
and i'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet.
so if all of these trials bring me closer to You
and i will go through the fire if you want me to.
it may not be the way i would have chosen
when You lead me through a world that's not my home.
but You never said it would be easy
You only said i'd never go alone.
so when the whole world turns against me
and i'm all by myself
and i can't hear You answer my cries for help,
i remember the suffering You're love put You through.
and i'll go through the valley if You want me to."
just a few things running through my head lately.. not that i'm necessarily suffering or discontent. i've had worse things happen, and while not everything in my life is necessarily going EXACTLY the way i would have liked it to go, i'm not really unhappy. there are so many blessings: my new job/career, my trip to europe this january, etc. but i guess the reason that song goes through my head is that i'm beginning to realize how little i have control over. i mean, i planned out my life, i planned out all my dreams. i wanted to be married right after college, have kids at age 27. i wanted to be a singer, i wanted to be friends with the same people forever. and the thing is, most of those things aren't working out the way i thought they would. and things aren't really bad-- just different.
and just looking back, i would have never in a million years thought i'd be in the place i am today. i could never have planned it out.. all the twists and turns my life has taken me. and i can't tell you how glad i am that i wasn't homeschooled for the rest of my life-- that kind of goes without saying. i'm also glad that i ended up graduating from rockford, even though i don't regret having gone to buffalo. i'm so glad i'm at bethel now, but i think that it was beneficial to go to st olaf. i mean, there are so many people i would have never known, so many experiences i would have never gone through, learned from. i am not who i was when i took my first steps-- i don't look the same, i don't think the same way, i don't believe the same things. i have grown-- i'm an adult.. how weird is that. and i wouldn't be at all the same person if i hadn't gone through all those things. but if i had seen my life, had known what was going to happen, i would not have chosen it. i would have chosen my picture perfect dreams, but would that have been best? i'm glad i went through all those things, that i'm not necessarily in control of my life, because its brought me to bigger better things than anything i would have pictured 10 years ago.
and, don't get me wrong, sometimes i'm sad that i'm not married, that i haven't grown up being friends with the same people since kindergarten, i have no idea who will end up being in my wedding-- bridesmaids and groom. i mean, friends come and go and it hurts. life will bring me to a path that i'm not necessarily thrilled to go down-- like my cancer scare? fun? not so much. but its not necessarily bad. its just not always what i thought i wanted.
basically, i don't even know what i really want-- even when i think i do-- let alone what i really need. so it just makes sense to let the person who knew me yesterday, today, tomorrow, who knows me inside and outside and knows everything about the rest of the world and all it will bring, control my life. who would have thought i'd be a business major? i never would have dreamed that would make me happy. and here i am. i know nothing about anything. so its time to just let go. stop running towards the past and just live in the uncertainty of todays. embrace the new friendships, new jobs, all the situations i'm in now and let go of things that are beyond my control. this world isn't even my home-- i'm being led through. just let go and understand God has a plan.
so yeah, deep stuff. but life can be deep.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
hope
as the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
my soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
when can i go and meet with God?
my tears have been my food day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"
these things i remember as i pour out my soul:
how i used to go with the multitude leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy an thanksgiving among the festive throng.
why are you downcast, o my soul?
why so disturbed within me?
put your hope in God,
for i will yet praise Him,
my and Savior and my God.
my soul is downcast within me;
therefore i will remember You from the land of jordan, the heights of hermon-- from mount mizar.
deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers have swept over me.
by day the Lord directs His love, at night His song is with me--
a prayer to the God of my life.
i say to God my rock,
"Why have You forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?"
my bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long,
"Where is Your God?"
why are you downcast, o my soul?
why so disturbed within me?
put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise Him: my Savior and my God.
so my soul pants for you, O God.
my soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
when can i go and meet with God?
my tears have been my food day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"
these things i remember as i pour out my soul:
how i used to go with the multitude leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy an thanksgiving among the festive throng.
why are you downcast, o my soul?
why so disturbed within me?
put your hope in God,
for i will yet praise Him,
my and Savior and my God.
my soul is downcast within me;
therefore i will remember You from the land of jordan, the heights of hermon-- from mount mizar.
deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers have swept over me.
by day the Lord directs His love, at night His song is with me--
a prayer to the God of my life.
i say to God my rock,
"Why have You forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?"
my bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long,
"Where is Your God?"
why are you downcast, o my soul?
why so disturbed within me?
put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise Him: my Savior and my God.
Sunday, August 03, 2008
value
what happened to loving people as people?
i don't know where this idea came from-- is it just wishful thinking, is it something i dreamed up? because i have hardly experienced it-- but i feel deep inside that people should be loved just for being people. not for how attractive they are, not for their personalities, not for what they do for you, how happy they make you.. but for being people. for being created by God. in a society that caters to a person's every whim, that tells people that they deserve to have everything they want, that encourages greed, gluttony, selfishness-- the american dream-- it is no surprise that we are beginning to treat each other as commodities.
today, we pick and choose who we include in our lives based on intelligence, attractiveness, popularity, personality, and whether that person makes you happy. people that do not fall into these categories are discarded. old people, once they have lost their value, are discarded into nursing homes. children with disabilities are also often placed into homes, if they have not been given away or aborted. even children with the potential to be healthy, beautiful blessings are killed before they even enter the world-- because it is inconvenient. the divorce rate is higher than ever-- wives, as they grow older, are cast off for younger, more attractive women.. and if your husband no longer makes you happy the way they used to make you happy, they are cut out.
the problem is nobody is perfect-- and no one will ever meet everyone's standards their entire lives. even the most beautiful model will eventually age and become less attractive. athletes will eventually lose their abilities. even the most famous movie stars will eventually become old news. people will make mistakes, lose their money. people will piss you off, fail you. everyone. no one is perfect.
and even if leaving your wife, putting your parents in a nursing home, aborting your baby seems harmless, when will it end? if we start killing our babies (abortion), will we start killing our old people (assisted suicide), our disabled people, our children? when is a person a person? where do we draw the line? do we really think our country's values are vastly different from the nazis values? its an easy path to travel and i think we are at least STARTING to walk down it...
when will we learn to love each other, not for what they do for you, but for who they are.. for being a creation of God? no one should have to sit at a lunch table alone, watch their husband pack up and leave, be literally thrown in a garbage can to die. in our society, we only purchase things that are good enough for us, that are worth the money. we tell ourselves that everyone is valuable, and yet we really believe deep down that people have price tags. sure, you are valuable, but so-and-so is worth $100, while so-and-so is worth $40. wait a few years, and there will probably be a price cut. better yet, while my wife appears to be worth a lot, i'm going to get a warranty just to be sure-- you can get a full refund, no strings attached if you're married in europe.
but the truth is everyone is equally valuable.. and everyone should be treated this way. we are not luxuries, not necessities, not things-- we are all so much more.
i'm tired of being compared, comparing. i'm tired of trying to determine how i stack up next to this person, and whether or not this person is in my league. i'm tired of watching people fall apart because they were never shown what love really is-- not by their parents, not by their friends, not by their spouses, not by their children. i don't want to be caught up in this battle and i wish i could save those who have been wounded in it.
let's learn to love now-- old and young, ugly and attractive, rich and poor. let's try to love ALL the people that God put in our lives.. the children we conceive, the homeless men we encounter on our commutes to work, mexicans, african-americans, homosexuals, the annoying neighbor girl that rings your doorbell every day, your crazy grandma, your obnoxious little brother, the crabby, stingy, middle-aged women that stiffs you at work, your husband who has lost his job, your friend who has let you down. everyone. can you imagine how different the world would be?
i don't know where this idea came from-- is it just wishful thinking, is it something i dreamed up? because i have hardly experienced it-- but i feel deep inside that people should be loved just for being people. not for how attractive they are, not for their personalities, not for what they do for you, how happy they make you.. but for being people. for being created by God. in a society that caters to a person's every whim, that tells people that they deserve to have everything they want, that encourages greed, gluttony, selfishness-- the american dream-- it is no surprise that we are beginning to treat each other as commodities.
today, we pick and choose who we include in our lives based on intelligence, attractiveness, popularity, personality, and whether that person makes you happy. people that do not fall into these categories are discarded. old people, once they have lost their value, are discarded into nursing homes. children with disabilities are also often placed into homes, if they have not been given away or aborted. even children with the potential to be healthy, beautiful blessings are killed before they even enter the world-- because it is inconvenient. the divorce rate is higher than ever-- wives, as they grow older, are cast off for younger, more attractive women.. and if your husband no longer makes you happy the way they used to make you happy, they are cut out.
the problem is nobody is perfect-- and no one will ever meet everyone's standards their entire lives. even the most beautiful model will eventually age and become less attractive. athletes will eventually lose their abilities. even the most famous movie stars will eventually become old news. people will make mistakes, lose their money. people will piss you off, fail you. everyone. no one is perfect.
and even if leaving your wife, putting your parents in a nursing home, aborting your baby seems harmless, when will it end? if we start killing our babies (abortion), will we start killing our old people (assisted suicide), our disabled people, our children? when is a person a person? where do we draw the line? do we really think our country's values are vastly different from the nazis values? its an easy path to travel and i think we are at least STARTING to walk down it...
when will we learn to love each other, not for what they do for you, but for who they are.. for being a creation of God? no one should have to sit at a lunch table alone, watch their husband pack up and leave, be literally thrown in a garbage can to die. in our society, we only purchase things that are good enough for us, that are worth the money. we tell ourselves that everyone is valuable, and yet we really believe deep down that people have price tags. sure, you are valuable, but so-and-so is worth $100, while so-and-so is worth $40. wait a few years, and there will probably be a price cut. better yet, while my wife appears to be worth a lot, i'm going to get a warranty just to be sure-- you can get a full refund, no strings attached if you're married in europe.
but the truth is everyone is equally valuable.. and everyone should be treated this way. we are not luxuries, not necessities, not things-- we are all so much more.
i'm tired of being compared, comparing. i'm tired of trying to determine how i stack up next to this person, and whether or not this person is in my league. i'm tired of watching people fall apart because they were never shown what love really is-- not by their parents, not by their friends, not by their spouses, not by their children. i don't want to be caught up in this battle and i wish i could save those who have been wounded in it.
let's learn to love now-- old and young, ugly and attractive, rich and poor. let's try to love ALL the people that God put in our lives.. the children we conceive, the homeless men we encounter on our commutes to work, mexicans, african-americans, homosexuals, the annoying neighbor girl that rings your doorbell every day, your crazy grandma, your obnoxious little brother, the crabby, stingy, middle-aged women that stiffs you at work, your husband who has lost his job, your friend who has let you down. everyone. can you imagine how different the world would be?
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
life
"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to let us down probably will.
You will have your heart broken, probably more than once, and it's harder every time.
You'll fight with your best friend and you might even fall in love with him.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing so fast,
And you'll eventually lose somebody you love.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt...
Because every 60 seconds you spend angry or upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."
-unknown
You will have your heart broken, probably more than once, and it's harder every time.
You'll fight with your best friend and you might even fall in love with him.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing so fast,
And you'll eventually lose somebody you love.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt...
Because every 60 seconds you spend angry or upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."
-unknown
Thursday, June 26, 2008
love is blind
i'm not sure why God made us to be this way-- it seems as if when you really fall for someone, every little imperfection disappears. its been so long since i've really really liked someone that i almost can't remember, but i'm writing based on what i see in other people i know. this can probably be a very good thing-- if there are only minor little things that prevent you from being with this person, it helps you look past them. it can also be a very bad thing. for instance, this person may be physically or verbally abusive and you aren't able to see it right away because you are "in love." on a lesser scale, this person may be the worst person for you and everyone around you sees it, but you don't. and eventually this will hurt you.
i just see so many relationships or half relationships where people are getting screwed over. and there have been so many instances where i am made the bad guy in a situation because the other person is "perfect." because they are in love.
now this is me being a little bitter, but do i really have to be with someone to have them on my side?
and do i have to be supportive of a relationship because they are in love, when practically, i don't think that they are good for each other in the long run?
i just see so many relationships or half relationships where people are getting screwed over. and there have been so many instances where i am made the bad guy in a situation because the other person is "perfect." because they are in love.
now this is me being a little bitter, but do i really have to be with someone to have them on my side?
and do i have to be supportive of a relationship because they are in love, when practically, i don't think that they are good for each other in the long run?
Saturday, June 21, 2008
new and improved blog.
SURPRISE! i'm writing another blog. i know its been forever... and there's a reason for that, actually. i had kind of gotten to the point where i was tired of my blog. i just felt like i never had anything significant to say, and that i was kind of using my blog as a journal where i just revealed my feelings, what was going on in my life, etc. and i was tired of it. i felt like i just said the same things over and over again. lately, however, there have been a lot of issues that i've been wrestling with that i have had a hard time voicing, and i realized that my blog would be the perfect place to wrestle with those things. so here is my new blog entry, and hopefully the beginning of a significant change in my blog. so be prepared. and i really hope that people will respond... and not just cute little comments, although i always appreciate those, too. :)
to be continued...
to be continued...
Thursday, February 21, 2008
new blog
for my "music and worship" class i'm supposed to write a journal about my thoughts on music and worship as they progress through the semester. he told us he wanted us to type it... and i was like ugh i'm not going to fill out a notebook and THEN type it. so i decided to write a blog. AND i would LOVE if people could contribute to the discussion... just say what you think. i think that would score me a few brownie points ha. and its also something i'm passionate about, so there will definitely be a lot to talk about.
love you all! here's the link:
http://worshipandmusic-whatisworship.blogspot.com/
love you all! here's the link:
http://worshipandmusic-whatisworship.blogspot.com/
Saturday, January 26, 2008
i am with you
i am with you
you drift away
and feel there's nothing you can do
and every day
you feel even further from the truth.
if you look past your shame
you'll find that there is always hope
and no matter what you have to face
you will never be alone.
I am with you
no matter where you are
I am there too
the truth is there is nothing that can tear you
away from My love.
and some days
if it feels like you're too far
it's okay,
I love you right where you are.
My love's impossible to lose
wherever you may go
whatever you might do.
and remember while things will change
I will always be the same.
I'll be with you
no matter where you are
I'll be there too
the truth is there is nothing that can tear you
away from my love.
you can't hide
you can't run away
I am always by your side
I am here to stay...
no matter where you are
I am there too
the truth is there is nothing that can tear you
away from My love.
you drift away
and feel there's nothing you can do
and every day
you feel even further from the truth.
if you look past your shame
you'll find that there is always hope
and no matter what you have to face
you will never be alone.
I am with you
no matter where you are
I am there too
the truth is there is nothing that can tear you
away from My love.
and some days
if it feels like you're too far
it's okay,
I love you right where you are.
My love's impossible to lose
wherever you may go
whatever you might do.
and remember while things will change
I will always be the same.
I'll be with you
no matter where you are
I'll be there too
the truth is there is nothing that can tear you
away from my love.
you can't hide
you can't run away
I am always by your side
I am here to stay...
no matter where you are
I am there too
the truth is there is nothing that can tear you
away from My love.
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