quick update (not as quick as i was hoping)

i'm in the computer lab right now because my computer is fried... i have the option of paying $300 to fix it or to buy a new one and after all the hell this computer has caused me already, i am definitely just going to save up for a new one this summer. i'm a little sad... mostly because i never backed up my music and i only buy music on itunes and because all my assignments for my theory class are gone and i'm not sure what i'm supposed to do now. oh well, i guess.

as far as my future, i was kind of forced to make a lot of decisions the last few weeks. and i'm definitely not going to take a semester off... at least this next semester. i'm planning to get another job this summer so i can pay off my debt and buy a new computer. and next semester i'm going to take one class from every major i was considering to see if it will help me decide exactly what direction i'd like to go career-wise. SO... i'm going to be taking music history (just to get it out of the way, because i HATE music history more than anything), newswriting (for journalism), aesthetics (a philosophy class for my sacred music major), social psych (in case i want to be a music therapist), intro to education (with field experience!), and then some health/physical education class i'm required to take as a general course. i'm also going to be in a piano duo, taking piano lessons and being in choir and working part time at applebees so next semester is going to be SO crazy. i don't even have time to eat lunch on tuesdays! but it should be benefitial.

i also sat down and tried to figure out where i see myself in a few years. i've always had a general idea, but this is the life plan i made myself:

get married (not really a concrete plan, i'd just like to be married after college.) i'd like a steady 8-2 job during the week, probably journalism at this point. i think i'd like to go to an urban church and maybe be their worship leader and just work with disadvantaged people in the area. maybe i'll go to open door on saturday nights if i still like it there. and when i have kids, i'll take a couple years off so i can be home with them until their in pre-school. during this time i'll lead worship at a church, write music and maybe a book, and raise puppies haha. and then... travel. i don't know. it was fun to try to think it through, anyway. the funny thing is some people can really plan out their lives like that and live it. but i know my life will be NOTHING like my plan, because my life has always been extremely unpredictable... partially because i'm extremely spontaneous and i get really bored living a routine life in one place. and because i'm only 20 and i've experienced a lot of things i would never have DREAMED would happen to me... even a year or so before they happened. so... who knows where i'll be in a few years. i'm just hoping i'll at least be able to get married, have a house, kids and puppies. i think i'd be content with whatever else God decides to throw at me.

rambling.

i don't have too much to write about, but i just can't handle that blog being my last blog. just too deep. and it makes me nervous. i know i'm still not completely following through yet, but i really am trying.

so lent is over and i can finally sleep... and thank God because i stayed up all last night studying for a test that i failed today. i seriously have pessimism seeping out of me because of that, but i'll be over it after my nap, i think. :) in all, life is okay, but it is unwinding way too fast and i think i need to take a break and just go somewhere. there's only so much of a direction-less monotony i can take. and although i'm at least not SUFFERING at school, i kind of don't want to be here because i feel like i'm just wasting money when i still have no clue what i'm going to do with my education and i'm too busy to have time to even THINK.

i'm on the right path again... i can just tell. i'm finally able to start reading my Bible again which is an AMAZING start. i read hebrews the night before easter and it made me cry. its just amazing that God is as merciful as He is when we're as undeserving as we are. i really want to start a girls Bible study... i think it's something totally really necessary right now for my life and my friends' lives and i'm going to make it happen.

so that was a rambling waste of a blog. but i just needed to write another one.