so far this year...

so i realize leaving lyrics to a song isn't really a good way of letting people know what is up in my life... especially if people think its a depressing song. i'm not depressed... just going to throw that out there. and it doesn't really reflect school either. i wrote the song actually right before school started. and i was sad. that was how i felt when i wrote the song... that doesn't mean i'm sad all the time or sad in general, but that night i was really sad. a couple days before i wrote the song, i did something i probably shouldn't have done, reopening an issue i thought i had closed don't really feel that way anymore and i don't think those feelings were unnatural. but i don't know... i like the lyrics because it was so real. it was the first time in a while i had really admitted that i had pushed God to the back burner and i NEEDED Him so badly. maybe its not a song i should sing for other people? but i didn't write it to sing for other people, i wrote it for God and for me. so that's that.

as far as school, it is SOO much better this year. there are a few things that i'm still not too happy about, but i love my dorm, i love my roommates, i love my classes, i love Bible study, choir and piano lessons should be amazing this year... i don't really have to deal with drinking as much this year, because my dorm is kind of... nerdy :D (i live with mostly music majors in a quiet dorm... meaning, you can't be really loud after like midnight... which is gay in a way, but i usually go to bed at midnight anyway. and i can surround myself with whoever i want really.) my roommate from last year and i have hung out a lot since i got here, which is really cool. it's good to kind of know we're friends and not just roommates anymore... although she might as well be, considering how often she is in my room. :) and... my parents gave me a car!!!! which pretty much remedies everything, because i can leave whenever i want. i could go on... but i feel like this year will be better than last year. i still might transfer, but i at least won't be totally suffering through my time here. :)

i haven't really slept at all... i was busy all weekend and didn't really sleep... i stayed out late friday with friends from school, woke up early saturday to go to hay days in forest lake (some snowmobiling race even my grandpa announced for the last 40 years) because they dedicated the weekend to my grandpa. i hung out with my cousin until like 3, drove home, drove to st olaf and back, went to my friend's cd release concert in maple grove and then drove to buffalo to spend the rest of the night with zach, justin, amy, tim and kelly... literally, the rest of the night. i went home at 5:30. i went to bible study the next day at like 12 and eventually drove back. and i'm surprised i didn't like fall asleep while i was driving... my classes consume pretty much the rest of my week... they're really hard this semester. so i really put myself out and got really sick. that's something you could pray for i guess... i'm really tired of being sick all the time.

so that's what's going on... i've been trying to grow close to God again and i can already see everything else sort of falling in place. i'm not going to pretend st olaf isn't hard for me at all, but its bearable and its a lot easier to see God's blessings after last year. so yeah, here's another ridiculously long blog. i hope everyone is else is having fun at school or home or wherever else God has directed them to be. i love you all.

crying out

How long must I wait to feel You?
How long must I wait to see You
And all You promised me?

Come now into my life
And fix me.
I'm desperate for Your love.
Come fill me
Consume me.

I'm crying, I'm crying out
I am dying for You.
I need You, I need You
More than I ever knew.

How long can I live without You?
How far can I go without You
with me?

Come now and search my soul.
I'm broken.
Please come and make me whole.
I've fallen, please catch me.

I'm crying, I'm crying out.
I am dying for You.
I need You, I need You
More than I ever knew.