politically i am...

wedding.

i'm so incredibly awake now after drinking coffee at jake's, so i thought i'd take a minute to just say how incredibly happy i am. i am so free from so much bondage i've carried-- anything involving john or boys or anything like that. just that i can be so happy for them without worrying about what's going to happen to me... i know that sounds ridiculous but it's a huge step for me. to be confident that God has his own plan for me and to be so happy with the plan He has for them. today was just so beautiful and so fun and so happy. (don't take that the wrong way... i just feel that way at weddings in general.) i wasn't a part of the picture today and it was a great stride.

i love my friends, i love my life, i love where i am, i love who i'm becoming and i love everyone who is helping me become that person-- God especially. i'm just so happy with life and with all of you and i thought i should say it. thanks for dancing with me even when its so embarrassing to be associated with me and my terrible dance moves. haha.

love.

secure

can you see the clouds have parted
and all you've hoped for is ready to begin?
can you smell the sweet aroma of fresh rain
and feel the sun shine on your skin?

this joy you'll never find anywhere else, but in His arms you are secure.

did you know there's always Someone
watching out for you each day?
did you know He's always listening
when you open up your heart and pray?

this love you'll never find anywhere else but in His arms, you are secure.

there's no greater love than this.
stop pretending He's not with you: He always is.
and please stop searching for what you really crave in other places: it's here.

this love i'll never find anywhere else but in Your arms i am secure.

creepy.

i had a really creepy experience on sunday... my cousin and i hung out on sunday (not the creepy experience.) it was getting a little ridiculous-- she lives on the other side of campus, when we've always lived at least an hour away from each other, and we still never see each other. so we went shopping, went to panera and she said she wanted to go to a worship service in blaine for a few hours because her friend was dancing. i thought it would be like a vespers sort of thing, i love singing and i had nothing better to do, so i said i'd go. on the way there she was like, "oh yeah, just to warn you, people might be worshiping in ways that might make you uncomfortable." and i said i'd be fine-- i'm used to people like raising their hands, maybe dancing or lying down or something, i thought i could handle whatever.

well, it wasn't really a worship service, it was a HEALING service. and people were dancing and lying down at first, but then they started laughing uncontrollably in the corner so loud we couldn't even hear the speaker. and my cousin said it was the joy of the Lord or something and i thought it was a little weird. but then the speaker started touching people and they would fall over and pass out. and he was seriously doing this to everyone and it was really bizarre. and then he started casting out demons. oh it was SO creepy. the guy was like screaming and writhing and started bawling and throwing up. it was... an experience. i'm scarred, really.

i still don't know what i think of all of it. most of it is biblical-- stuff like that happened a lot in the New Testament and i think it was necessary at the time so people could really see that everything Jesus had told them was very real. i believe it could happen and i believe at least the demon banishing was real. but i don't think its wrong that i was uncomfortable and i'm never going to go to something like that again if i can help it. i think some people need that kind of experience and finding healing in a miraculous way is the best way for them to be healed. and i don't think that's wrong either. i just don't NEED to see things like that to know that what i have is real. and i'm okay with this and i think God is too.