this last week

well, i've decided this last week was probably one of the most dramatic weeks of my life-- sooo much happened, its crazy. i learned so much about life, about God, about myself, about EVERYTHING. i could probably write a novel about the last week, but i'll try to summarize it into a reasonable-sized blog entry:

i left school on wednesday to go to wisconsin because my grandpa died on monday--- which really sucked for a variety of reasons, but i think if any of u have ever had someone u love die (i know a lot of people who are reading this have) then u probably understand a little what i went through. but i started this week having a terrible time just feeling miserable and homesick, questioning everything i ever believed and on top of it all instead of comforting each other my family just RIPPED each other apart all week. ahhhh it was SOOO bad. and i wasn't super close to my extended family, but of all them i was probably closest to my grandpa and one of my cousins who is about my age. and my grandma decided she wanted EVERYONE to stay in her house, which is pretty big, but not really big enough to contain like 20 people. so it was a little awkward at first, but the few days we were all there really drew a lot of us closer than we've ever been. basically, the wake was hard but the funeral made everything so much better. my contribution was an arrangement of somewhere over the rainbow i had written that i sang with my cousin while my brother played the guitar. and u wouldn't think this, but just hearing the pastor reassure everyone that my grandpa was okay just made everything okay. and i guess my family has this thing--- everytime someone dies they see a deer, which is really weird i think. but on the way back from the cemetary, there was a deer walking on the side of the road and people were pulling over and petting it! and it just kept walking as if it didn't have a care in the world in to the world. and THAT i guess was the sign i needed that he was okay. and everything would be okay.

soooo... i haven't gotten to any of the good stuff yet! lol--- after the funeral i stayed up till 3 in the morning talking to my drunk (who claimed to be just TIPSY) cousin (he was drunk) about sex. it was great! he's been married for about a year and he told us EVERYTHING. and it wasn't just like, "oh don't do it... blablabla..." he went in DEPTH. i mean, it wasn't sick or anything, but it was as informative of a sex talk i have ever had... probably because he had lost all discernment with his intoxication, but basically he told me what guys think about EVERYTHING. and all i can say is, wow.

i came home the next day (saturday) and watched the godfather with jesse and justin at adam's house. and then i went to kelly johnson's for a hayride/bonfire which was really fun! amy and i had a good talk about things and justin just killed me because he tackled me so many times. and then we went to perkins and that was fun. sunday i went to church, hung out with justin, amy, sarah and my brother and we just went shopping and ate at justin's. i decided to go to youth group that night, which was kind of awkward, but i had a really good talk with sarah and then i had an amazing talk with lee. like i got so much off of my chest that i've been bottling up for like 2 years. and i felt so much better about everything after that night.

monday i hung out with amanda norgren-- we are one person, we decided-- sisters-- and we figured out EVERYTHING in our lives together. it was just crazy. i haven't had so many good conversations in such a short time before. i hate how i'm just skimming the surface, but there's no way i could tell u everything i was dealing with in this little blog. i've already written enough. but i have never been happier than i am now after this weekend! i just love my friends!!! and i'm completely confident everything will be okay now. :D