trying again.

just to throw this out... just to warn you, i just watched the season finale of grey's anatomy (season 2) and i am feeling very very sappy and emotional. but this is how i've felt most of the week, so its not a bad time to write about everything that has gone on lately.

within the last month everything has changed for me. i randomly decided at the last minute to leave my school and then randomly decided at the last minute to apply to bethel and... go. within the last few weeks, my fear of cancer has been vanquished... that sentence sounded way too much like a bible verse haha. even my blog address has changed. my brother moved home (he was kicked out of the house.) i'm officially not going to village anymore... i haven't for a while, but i decided i'm going to make a habit of going to open door. that's just where i feel God is leading me right now. i'm so so happy right now... i think most of the changes i'm going through are a really good thing. but it has definitely been hard to have so many things change so drastically at once. even good change is hard... because change is hard. period.

i think your body (at least the female body) must have some sort of huge dramatic reflex to change like this, because my hormones have just been going crazy... within the last week i have had TWO huge breakdowns and have cried probably 4 or 5 times, which is just ridiculous because i honestly haven't cried in months. and it doesn't make sense because everything is okay! everything worked out for me! everything i had worried about turned out to be just great! i was just talking to justin about this, and i really don't understand why God made estrogen. honestly. it seems like the worst idea EVER, to have some sort of hormone that makes girls go absolutely crazy. i used to think it was just me, but in the last few weeks i have definitely come to the conclusion that it is not just me. its just... girls. and i'm okay with this. :)

so this is sort of a random new beginning. my last transfer turned out to be the best decision i have ever made, and its really looking like this is going to be too. this school fits me like a glove... especially in comparison to st olaf! this is exactly where i'm supposed to be right now, and even though i haven't had time to prepare myself for a new environment like i had hoped, i think that the new environment is healing me in ways i don't think that home could. my bible professor is just... amazing. justin said she's boring, but its going to be so good for me to have someone i can ask questions that were planted in me at st olaf. and the sermons at open door, the chapels, vespers... i feel like i'm being spoon fed the truth again. socially, this is a good place for me... i've met so many people that share my passions and my morals... God forbid that would have ever happened at st olaf. i didn't even meet ONE person like that. my roommate was handpicked by God, i swear. and i've already been on a date! roommate roulette... which probably doesn't count because it was an organized blind date to chuckie cheese haha, but i feel like i'm in heaven. there are SO many boys here i would let myself date! and its just nice to have people i know... my cousin, justin, amy, jesse, erica... to have lunch with, go to vespers with and fall back on if i need to... and i definitely have. and its just amazing. all of it. its the first time in my college life that i haven't been homesick.

oh wow, i have so much to say. but i just want to say that i have been blessed and even though i'm not super ecstatic and not EVERYTHING is right, everything is becoming right again. and i'm feeling more and more at peace. AND IZZE'S FIANCE JUST DIED! i could cry again! but i'll save it for my next breakdown. :)

much love! <3