i had a friend at school who would get SO pissed if he won 2nd place. he didn't care if he didn't place, he just didn't want to get 2nd. and i thought that was so weird... so overly competitive. 2nd place is so close to the best. i kept thinking like silver medal in the olympics, a red ribbon at a piano competition... i would be so happy with 2nd in so many things.
but i've realized lately that i feel the same way sometimes. i don't want to just be someone, i want to mean something... to be the best at SOMETHING. i don't want to just be another employee, another family member, another schoolmate, another friend. i want to be someone's first choice for once. they're talking about this in chapel, actually... being a leah (who jacob was forced to marry) rather then a rachel (who jacob really loved.) i have a lot of friends, but i don't think anyone would consider me their best friend. i've had a lot of people like me, but i feel like a lot of people find someone else before they actually do anything about it or just don't hold on to me.
i guess i'm saying i want to feel like i'm not just there... i don't just exist. i want to feel like i mean something. i think that's something everyone wants, really.
3 comments:
Kara i think the fact that people still check your blog after its 2 month hiatus says something.
Oh and by the way im still working on your song. ^_^
tis true..... I'm sorry your feeling like yoru second best.... your having an off night and that's okay. It happens to the best of us. It's really frustrating. =) Know that I like you very very much dear.
You are my #1 Fuzzles.
... you may be my only fuzzles but if I had more... you would be number one.
What I'm trying to say is I love you very much Kara. You're such an amazing person with so many talents that people wish they could possess, including myself. I think everyone would consider you a great gift in their life. :)
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