thanksgiving!!

i just felt like i should post something because i am told i don't post enough.

not a whole lot is going on.... well i suppose there's a whole lot going on. :) i find out if i have cancer this next week... but its surprising how not scared i am. its funny but i think that God is almost using this... even if i'm really fine... to teach me what He's been trying to teach me forever. and i'm getting it. let it go. i've spent three years trying to figure out what that meant. that seems ridiculous, but its a heart thing that's not easy to just do.

it doesn't mean giving up. it doesn't mean losing all hope. it doesn't mean you should stop thinking about what you want, dreaming about what you want. i don't know exactly how to explain it, but i feel like where i'm at is exactly where God has wanted me to be. i still want what i want. but i've realized i have no control over it. and i've realized that getting mad at God is not going to get me anywhere. i've realized that worrying... being stressed or scared... about whatever's going to happen to me is not going to add a single day to my life or really get me anything. and the BIGGEST thing God taught me is that He's not being cruel about asking me to do any of this... to give Him my life... He doesn't want to torture me and prod me until i'm a perfect zombie. He actually cares about me and my dreams. i'm trusting someone trustworthy with my life. and even if i don't understand what's going on... He's trustworthy. what He really WANTS more than anything isn't necessarily perfection, but ME.


on a completely different topic, i just have to add some of the things i am thankful for.

this year God has blessed me with a car, the best job i have ever had, a good education, a wonderful family and adorable dog, good roommates, memorable memories and just... life. its funny how much you take some things for granted until they're almost taken away and i feel like there is so much that has almost been taken away that i am so thankful to still have.

so yeah, i look forward to what God has planned for all of us and i'm grateful for what He's given me so far. happy thanksgiving, loves!