summer.

oh i am SUCH a downer right now. haha. but i am just so weddinged out. there are only so many weddings i can go to while i'm single. don't get me wrong... i LOVE weddings. i LOVE the dances (well, after a couple hours and they aren't so awkward), the good food, clinking the glasses so they'll kiss, trying to catch the bouquet. its just so hard not to be jealous. this is something i've dreamed of my whole life and now my friends are already getting married and i don't even have a boyfriend. i mean, i'm still in college and i'm not doubting i'll meet someone. there's just that fear deep down inside that maybe nothing will ever work out. ridiculous ridiculous ridiculous i know, but i'm sure i'm not the only one that feels that way at weddings, at least sometimes. it doesn't help that i am home alone for the night and i hate being alone. oh man... downer entry, i'm not really sure why i decided to blog right now.

as far as everything else though, life is so GREAT. i am so happy with my first drama-free summer in a while (woo-hoo!) and it's been everything a summer should be: relaxation, freedom, road trips, swimming, tanning, hanging out with amazing people 90% of the time. minus only tubing once this summer, it has been picture perfect. south dakota was life-changing-- it really showed me a lot of who i am and where my passions are. i really love people, i really love serving people. i love different cultures. i love travelling. i LOVE working with high school girls. and... i really hate working with kids. they are cute, but i could never be a teacher or do anything close to what my mom does. i would love to counsel camp or something, and i'd really like to get more involved in service. i'm already planning to lead a bible study for sophomore girls this fall, which i now am really looking forward to. and it was just a really good experience... i'm so glad i went.

nebraska was also amazing. i love everyone in omaha so much, i can definitely see myself moving there eventually if i don't stay here. and amy is so much fun... as much as we bicker when we drive together and as scary as it is to put two ditzy people together in a car for 8 hours, i think we had a great time. i love my cousins-- oh i love my cousins. i don't even know what else to say about them, but they are just too funny. and laura... it's really great to get to know her better. i've never really had much of a chance to hang out with her without all the delano girls-- when a group of girls have known each other for a long time, its kind of intimidating and hard to get too close to any of them. but there was a lot of amy-kara-laura time and i can see why everyone thinks she's such a great girl.

umm... i also went to duluth with jake on the spur of the moment. it just felt so good and so freeing to be able to just go. i LOVE being spontaneous... i hope i spend the rest of my life with people like that. duluth is such a fun city too-- so pretty and there really is a lot to do.

as much as i love summer, i'm really looking forward to school starting-- which is SO great. i didn't think i'd ever be able to say that. i've always looked forward to the day i would be able to move out of the house-- and finally i've found a new place worth calling home and moving out to and i am so happy. i'm happy my friends are mostly close by-- the ones worth sticking with have definitely stuck and i just think its so great we are still friends. and i'm really looking forward to making new ones too. i couldn't ask for more, really. and i'm excited about my new major-- i'm anxious to see if i enjoy the business classes and i'm really really excited to go abroad this interim. so... basically life is just great. i'm excited to see where God will bring me next because i'm so content with where He's brought me already.

so there, i'm not a downer. sometimes its hard to trust that the future will be as bright as the present, but deeper than any fear i have of being alone forever, i really believe it will. :)