i know that this blog is going to make it look like i'm crabby-- well, probably because i am right now. but honestly, ignore it because its a bad reflection of my overall MOOD lately. i am, in general, about as happy as i have ever been in the last few years. i like where i am. i like who i am. i like who i'm becoming. i like what's becoming of my life. there are a LOT of things i am not happy with, but its not really affecting my overall... MOOD. i can't think of the better word. maybe i shouldn't major in journalism. :/
anyway, i've decided to write about something i am not okay with... just because this is something that God has laid on my heart lately and i think its important.
i've been battling for the longest time with viewing myself as valuable. and if you know anything about my life, i think you could understand where this battle stems from-- an insecure, mentally abusive dad, mean neighbor kids, crappy high school bf's that were only interested in getting some, etc. i don't think my life is necessarily any more rough than another person's life, its just natural that THIS would be what i would struggle with the most out of all the things a person has to struggle with.
i just read a book recently called Sex God-- i think the title is funny, its really supposed to be Sex and God. its by rob bell-- a controversial author, i guess, but God has spoken to me through both of His books. and He's really starting to change me for the better after reading this book, so i don't really care what any other intellectual critics have to say about it.
wow, i'm really babbling. anyway, the whole book was amazing, really, but the second chapter is what hit me the hardest. it talked about dehumanizing. we are all made in God's image and that's what He means by human. someone with something special inside of them. and EVERYONE in the ENTIRE world is. everyone is human, everyone is made in God's image, everyone is capable of love, being hurt, being vulnerable, being meaningful. EVERYONE. the root of SO many of the problems in the world today is dehumanizing.
most people have made a habit of forgetting another person is human. we can view our friends and our family as human, but we choose to forget that the homeless person on the corner is just like us-- with a conscience, feelings, and the immeasurable love of our father. racists forget that african american slaves are human and care about how they look, dream at night, have bad days. a lot of sexual addicts forget choose to dehumanize their sexual partner so they don't feel guilt-- equalling them to an object. a lot of girls will dehumanize another girl so they can feel better about themselves. a lot of people dehumanize starving children in africa or the suicidal woman at work because they don't want to have to care. its easy to dehumanize movie stars, political figures. its easy to dehumanize a random person walking by us in the mall or the teenager at the burger king drive through window. its REALLY easy to dehumanize guys, basing their value on their physical appearance.
we intentionally or unintentionally choose to forget that another human is just like us so that we can use them, hate them, focus on ourselves. and it is always wrong-- even if its not for the wrong reasons.
this book made me realize that i do this ALL THE TIME to SO many people. i forget the people i'm serving at work are "human." i forget the girl wearing the ugliest outfit imaginable is "human." i forget that creepy, obsessive guys are "human." and i've had so many people dehumanize me that sometimes i forget that I'M human. i tear myself apart so much-- obsessing over how i look, what people think of me, where i fit into society-- and sometimes i don't even know who i am anymore. i've let myself forget who i really am-- valuable and loved immeasurably by God.
since this realization, i have honestly begun to look at things differently. i'm not defined by my personality, because i can really act however i want. i'm not defined by how i look because my appearance is constantly changing. i'm not defined by what people think of me because some people like me and some people don't. i am-- human. i'm loved. and i'm starting to understand that that's who i am.
i'm just tired of it. i'm tired of this game. i'm tired of dehumanizing and being dehumanized. i'm tired of people not valuing me and i'm tired of not valuing other people. it's not something that is going to be easy to change, but i have to.
2 comments:
that's awesome Kara. sounds like this book gave you a new perspective. I honestly have never thought of it that way. It's hard. Some moments are so awkward and many choose to ignore them. Sometimes, it just is soo much easier to do it that way than any other way. And be angery, have it affect your MOOD or don't. It's a good thing to talk about, and to share. We all need a little wake up call every now and then telling us the things we are doing are bad. And stupid. And selfish. I too have had the problem of being valued. I think a bit thing is the "not there dad" or the "absuive dad" or so forth. I think that played a major part in our lives. I'm now babbling as well. We shall talk... good post kara, good post.
AH HA! Here is the blog that i saw that wasnt here when i checked again but is now back. Now i can say what i was going to say.
Kara, you've got a good head on your shoulders. A little emo at times, but a good head nonetheless. Sometimes it is truly hard, to realize how much God loves you. Sometimes it is impossible to fathom that he can. But once youve realized that he does, a person cant help but weep. youve stumbled across something big here Kara. Lets not forget.
Post a Comment